Help! My Husband is a Sex Addict

Lately, most divorces I see include allegations that “my husband is a sex addict.”  Yes, “most.”

Sex addition is not a recognized disorder by the psychological community.  The fifth edition of the standard text reference regarding mental disorders, Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, or DSM V, does not include “sex addiction.”

However, an obsession with sex or an interest in sex that differs from your spouse’s can certainly affect your relationship. And that might have an impact on the terms of your divorce.

I am not a psychiatric professional, and I do not offer therapy.  I can, however, advise you on the legal implications of your concerns about your husband’s being a “sex addict.”

Divorce

Minnesota is a “no fault” divorce state.  That means that nobody needs to be at fault for the state to grant a divorce.

As long as there has been a broadly defined “irretrievable breakdown of the marriage relationship,” the court won’t ask any more questions about what that breakdown is based on.  The “sex addiction” is not a factor.

Custody

Custody is based exclusively on the “best interest of the child.”   An internet pornography habit that would interfere with parenting could be a basis for limiting someone’s parenting time, but, practically speaking, courts tend to treat internet pornography like consumption of alcohol: you can’t do it while you are parenting.

Sex habits or compulsions that involve other people or are criminal definitely affect parenting. Therefore, having sexual partners in and out of the house would merit consideration as a custody factor if the activity put the children at risk or affected them by exposing them to dangerous people or situations.  Any illegal sex — sex involving children or non-consenting adults or prostitution — definitely puts children at risk and limits someone’s rights as a parent (especially if he or she is in prison!).

Not interested in mud slinging

If you are divorcing someone, you cannot control his or her legal behavior.  The court will not be interested in mud slinging.  Be glad you’re getting a divorce, and move on.